As the calendar turns to November, we’ve already completed the first quarter of the 2023/24 season
and are quickly entering that time of the year where some guys’ lip lettuce goes from a little bit greasy
to “are you allowed to be this close to a school?” Aside from the beautiful facial hair transformations we
can look forward to seeing over the next few weeks, we have a lot to be thankful for in this league.
We’re coming off a wild 2022/23 season that saw some unbelievable results and a controversial scoring
race (that led to Wes Goldie quitting the league in protest). We’ve had great action in the first few
weeks, and there has been much excitement throughout the league with two new sponsors, several
new players, and the same shotty goaltending that ensures everyone has a chance to score each time
they touch the puck. And on that note, let’s see how the teams are trending in this first edition of the
2023/24 power rankings.
Team | Ranking | Record | Status |
 | 1 | 5-1-0 | Treetops is off to the best start in franchise history, primarily driven by their overpowering offence, having scored 50% more goals than the next closest team. A big reason for this outburst is the surprise play of league newcomer TJ Cook. This weak skating midseason addition to the league last year is suddenly tied for 4th in league scoring, something Darren De Vries could not have expected on draft night. The only thing that can rival Cook’s passion for putting the puck in the net is his fascination with Jeff Carsey’s stick. If Cook does cool off, and current league leader Ryan Fletcher can’t see past his pre-pubescent moustache, this team may have enough depth to keep them near the top of the standings. The Treetops Cartel is the only team in the league where every skater (not counting player/coach Jeff Parsons) has registered at least 1 point. |
 | 2 | 5-1-0 | Wes Goldie wasn’t the only person who took personal offence to Justin Graham “winning” last year’s scoring title; Gord Gurmin pulled his own Willie (Williams) and returned after a false retirement last season. In fact, Gurmin had so much rage about the way that scoring race finished, he kickstarted the campaign with his first hat trick in over 30 years (probably)…I’m told Becky was an enthusiastic supporter. Beyond Gurmin’s hot start, one major reason Carsey Trucking is near the top of the standings is the play of Darryl Gilbert. It appears that after just 40 years of practice in the net, Giby has managed to record his first respectable month as a goalie, only allowing 11 goals on 14 shots. |
 | 3 | 4-2-0 | This year’s Blue Con squad got off to a strong start after the team had been flirting with relegation for the past few years. The primary reason for the change in their fate this year looks to be the play of their dynamic duo: Taz Stratton and Josh Miller. These two may be allergic to backchecking, but their play has directly led to almost 60% of this teams’ offense, which makes it hard for Brandon Haasen to complain too much. Additionally, Lance Scott is having another solid campaign, which has helped bail out those forwards who might be camping out at the far blue line. The real question here will be where the secondary scoring will come from. After Stratton and Miller, Owen Giles is the next best performer on this team with only 3 points, yikes! |
 | 4 | 3-3-0 | It’s never a good sign when you look at a team’s roster and can’t tell who their A player is. This team has scored the third fewest goals, so maybe they don’t have one? This was exemplified when they were embarrassingly shut out by Treetops recently, the only shutout in the league so far this season. To make matters worse, they’ve given up 50% more goals than they’ve scored this year, and if you’re relying on Adam Alexander to carry your team, you’re going to be in trouble. Realistically, Mullis’ squad appears destined to fumble their way through the season like a housing crisis, unless he can broker some kind of deal to shake things up and stimulate this offence. |
 | 5 | 2-4-0 | Perhaps instead of working on a reno near Phil Nolet’s house, Josh Agar should have spent his time doing repairs on his goalie’s form. Nolet is currently tied for last in the league in goals against, a goal and a half per game behind perennial cellar dweller Erik Cochrane. If Agar has any plans of getting this team back on track, he needs to get more production out of his D-core. If he could read blueprints, he’d be able to tell you that teams that are built to generate scoring from the back end are more successful at this elite level, and this squad has only produced 3 points from anything resembling a defenceman. Since the D are obviously not helping Phil keep the puck out of their net, they might as well try contributing on offence. |
 | 6 | 2-4-0 | The Assurance squad has gotten off to a slow start this season, struggling to get back to 0.500. Despite the team’s challenges, two players on this team who have come as advertised are Tyler Jeffries and Trent Wellar. Jeffries, a less than modest former scoring “champion”, has resumed his quest for the title, contributing 35% of his team’s offence, good enough to put him in the silver medal position of the league scoring race. Similarly, Wellar is also playing like he’s in midseason form, holding teams to just half a dozen goals per game, making it difficult to figure out why they’re not winning more often. It will be interesting to see if this team’s role players will ever show up, or if Curtis Scholten, Sandy Jackson, and the rest of the group will continue to mail it in. |
 | 7 | 2-4-0 | You would expect the team with the league’s reigning scoring champion to come out of the gate hot, but this team was slow to get going and ended up as the last team to register a W this year. While Justin Graham is still wildly outperforming his obvious physical deficiencies, his production has fallen well off the pace of other players in the league. In fact Graham is far closer to 50 th place in the scoring race, than he is to first. And if they can’t rely on Graham, they’ll need more contributions from the rest of the team; players like Jamie Emms, Joe Johnston, Shawn Morrison, and Troy Glover who have only combined for a total of 3 goals so far this season. They’re going to need to pick it up, as the goaltending from Erik Cochrane has not been as bad as you’d expect so far, so you know it’s due to drop off any day now. |
 | 8 | 1-5-0 | TIGGS, presumably short for “Tig ‘ol Bitties”, enters the power rankings in the basement on their first opportunity. That’s obviously not where they’d like to be, but knowing team sponsor Derek Anderson, many expect him to flout Hockey Canada’s new rules by gearing down in the room to get his team fired up, no doubt making opposing teams feel inadequate in the process. He better act soon though as this squad certainly seems either unmotivated or overmatched right now. They’ve scored the fewest goals in the league so far, averaging 4 less goals per game than the first place team. Perhaps that’s at least partially due to this team relying on a Lightfoot to be their leading scorer? Combine the struggling offense with TIGGS’ porous defence, which has surrendered the 3 rd most goals in the league so far, and you don’t exactly have a recipe for success. |
That’s it for this round of the power rankings, let’s look ahead to our first Ladies’ Night (Nov 11th) and a great second quarter of the season!
