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2023 Q1 Power Rankings

As the calendar turns to November, we’ve already completed the first quarter of the 2023/24 season

and are quickly entering that time of the year where some guys’ lip lettuce goes from a little bit greasy

to “are you allowed to be this close to a school?” Aside from the beautiful facial hair transformations we

can look forward to seeing over the next few weeks, we have a lot to be thankful for in this league.

We’re coming off a wild 2022/23 season that saw some unbelievable results and a controversial scoring

race (that led to Wes Goldie quitting the league in protest). We’ve had great action in the first few

weeks, and there has been much excitement throughout the league with two new sponsors, several

new players, and the same shotty goaltending that ensures everyone has a chance to score each time

they touch the puck. And on that note, let’s see how the teams are trending in this first edition of the

2023/24 power rankings.



Team

Ranking

Record

Status



1

5-1-0

Treetops is off to the best start in franchise history, primarily driven by their overpowering offence,

having scored 50% more goals than the next closest team. A big reason for this outburst is the surprise

play of league newcomer TJ Cook. This weak skating midseason addition to the league last year

is suddenly tied for 4th in league scoring, something Darren De Vries could not have expected on draft

night. The only thing that can rival Cook’s passion for putting the puck in the net is his fascination

with Jeff Carsey’s stick. If Cook does cool off, and current league leader Ryan Fletcher can’t see past

his pre-pubescent moustache, this team may have enough depth to keep them near the top of the

standings. The Treetops Cartel is the only team in the league where every skater (not counting

player/coach Jeff Parsons) has registered at least 1 point.



2

5-1-0

Wes Goldie wasn’t the only person who took personal offence to Justin Graham “winning” last year’s scoring title; Gord Gurmin pulled his own Willie (Williams) and returned after a false retirement last season. In fact, Gurmin had so much rage about the way that scoring race finished, he kickstarted the campaign with his first hat trick in over 30 years (probably)…I’m told Becky was an enthusiastic supporter.

Beyond Gurmin’s hot start, one major reason Carsey Trucking is near the top of the standings is the play of Darryl Gilbert. It appears that after just 40 years of practice in the net, Giby has managed to record his first respectable month as a goalie, only allowing 11 goals on 14 shots.




3

4-2-0

This year’s Blue Con squad got off to a strong start

after the team had been flirting with relegation for

the past few years. The primary reason for the

change in their fate this year looks to be the play of

their dynamic duo: Taz Stratton and Josh Miller.

These two may be allergic to backchecking, but

their play has directly led to almost 60% of this

teams’ offense, which makes it hard for Brandon

Haasen to complain too much. Additionally, Lance

Scott is having another solid campaign, which has

helped bail out those forwards who might be

camping out at the far blue line. The real question

here will be where the secondary scoring will come

from. After Stratton and Miller, Owen Giles is the

next best performer on this team with only 3

points, yikes!



4

3-3-0

It’s never a good sign when you look at a team’s

roster and can’t tell who their A player is. This team

has scored the third fewest goals, so maybe they

don’t have one? This was exemplified when they

were embarrassingly shut out by Treetops recently,

the only shutout in the league so far this season. To

make matters worse, they’ve given up 50% more

goals than they’ve scored this year, and if you’re

relying on Adam Alexander to carry your team,

you’re going to be in trouble. Realistically, Mullis’

squad appears destined to fumble their way

through the season like a housing crisis, unless he

can broker some kind of deal to shake things up

and stimulate this offence.



5

2-4-0

Perhaps instead of working on a reno near Phil

Nolet’s house, Josh Agar should have spent his time

doing repairs on his goalie’s form. Nolet is currently

tied for last in the league in goals against, a goal

and a half per game behind perennial cellar dweller

Erik Cochrane. If Agar has any plans of getting this

team back on track, he needs to get more

production out of his D-core. If he could read

blueprints, he’d be able to tell you that teams that

are built to generate scoring from the back end are

more successful at this elite level, and this squad

has only produced 3 points from anything

resembling a defenceman. Since the D are

obviously not helping Phil keep the puck out of

their net, they might as well try contributing on

offence.



6

2-4-0

The Assurance squad has gotten off to a slow start

this season, struggling to get back to 0.500. Despite

the team’s challenges, two players on this team

who have come as advertised are Tyler Jeffries and

Trent Wellar. Jeffries, a less than modest former

scoring “champion”, has resumed his quest for the

title, contributing 35% of his team’s offence, good

enough to put him in the silver medal position of

the league scoring race. Similarly, Wellar is also

playing like he’s in midseason form, holding teams

to just half a dozen goals per game, making it

difficult to figure out why they’re not winning more

often. It will be interesting to see if this team’s role

players will ever show up, or if Curtis Scholten,

Sandy Jackson, and the rest of the group will

continue to mail it in.



7

2-4-0

You would expect the team with the league’s

reigning scoring champion to come out of the gate

hot, but this team was slow to get going and ended

up as the last team to register a W this year. While

Justin Graham is still wildly outperforming his

obvious physical deficiencies, his production has

fallen well off the pace of other players in the

league. In fact Graham is far closer to 50 th place in

the scoring race, than he is to first. And if they can’t

rely on Graham, they’ll need more contributions

from the rest of the team; players like Jamie Emms,

Joe Johnston, Shawn Morrison, and Troy Glover

who have only combined for a total of 3 goals so

far this season. They’re going to need to pick it up,

as the goaltending from Erik Cochrane has not been

as bad as you’d expect so far, so you know it’s due

to drop off any day now.



8

1-5-0

TIGGS, presumably short for “Tig ‘ol Bitties”, enters

the power rankings in the basement on their first

opportunity. That’s obviously not where they’d like

to be, but knowing team sponsor Derek Anderson,

many expect him to flout Hockey Canada’s new

rules by gearing down in the room to get his team

fired up, no doubt making opposing teams feel

inadequate in the process. He better act soon

though as this squad certainly seems either

unmotivated or overmatched right now. They’ve

scored the fewest goals in the league so far,

averaging 4 less goals per game than the first place

team. Perhaps that’s at least partially due to this

team relying on a Lightfoot to be their leading

scorer? Combine the struggling offense with TIGGS’

porous defence, which has surrendered the 3 rd

most goals in the league so far, and you don’t

exactly have a recipe for success.

That’s it for this round of the power rankings, let’s look ahead to our first Ladies’ Night (Nov 11th) and a great second quarter of the season!

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